as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
