he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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