it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
