i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
