Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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