I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
