Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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