Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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