ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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