if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
