Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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