stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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