When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we're so committed to being not committed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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