so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
