i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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