I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize