Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
