why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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