I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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