I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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