@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
