If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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