Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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