Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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