So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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