Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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