Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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