someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
