The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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