how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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