i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
