Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
