My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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