I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
