And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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