I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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