4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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