while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You ruined the universe
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize