I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
