i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
