he wants to bone in the snuggie
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
