You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
