Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
