I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
