Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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