FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
