So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
