there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
