How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
