Already got asked if we're dating
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
