Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
