Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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