the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
