Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
