1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
