I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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