I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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