do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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