so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
