We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
