glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
