Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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