you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
