I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
