she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a search helicopter?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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