Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
