And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
