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• (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

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• (850): View more from Florida

  And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds

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