then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.