Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.