no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
