Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
