there's paper in my vomit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.