u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds