just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from