i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with