I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
