There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
