dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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