He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
