if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
