My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
too bad you live with your parents still
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is classic penis vs brain.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
