I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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