I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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