i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
