Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
