Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
