I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
