Do you still have your period?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
