if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
